Unfortunately there were only seven of us ready, able and available to travel by the time we set off to Estonia. We dubbed ourselves 'The Magnificent Seven'. But it quickly emerged that a much more appropriate moniker was 'The Seven Dwarfs'. The embarrassingly small size of the touring party (in both height and number, but not girth) meant that we knew, without needing to say so out loud, that each of us was going to have to play an absolute blinder to make a success of the trip in all senses. And what a crew we turned out to be. A bond was forged that weekend between us that will never be broken. What follows are the recollections of those few crazy heady days. As ever, it's a team effort, with every man playing his part - very individual contributions adding up to an extraordinary whole.
Many thanks to Taz for all his organisation. Many thanks to all our hosts who made us feel so welcome and helped to make the whole weekend work so brilliantly in spite of us arriving so short-handed. And many thanks to The Seven Dwarfs for an extraordinary time.
Touring Party: David Miller (Captain), Matthew Broadbent, Ian Charlton, Will Isaac, Jason Lord, Shannon McKenzie, Tony Tedore
Index to contributions
Day/Night 1 - Charlie
Day 1/Match report - Afry
Day 2/Match report - Broady
Night 2 - Lordy
Day 3/Match report - Tony
Night 3 - Tazzy
Day 4 - Poofy
HI HO!
First instalment thanks to Ian Charlton
Friday 14 August 2009
04:00 - alarm, get up, shower, pack;
05:00 - head to bus stop to get night bus to Matt's;
05:30 - arrive at Matt's, shortly followed by Tony, then minicab;
06:30 - arrive Stansted and check in for 07:40 to Tallinn;
07:00 - get airside for first pint of the day, soon joined by Taz, Shagga, Will & Jason, first whip;
07:30 - board aircraft
08:00 - take off, after 20 mins delay due to fog, get stuck in to several cans of London Pride, empty whip. Tony asks if Tallinn is north of London. He will later be fined for this, as it is practically in the Arctic Circle.
10:30 - arrive Tallinn, wind watch on 2 hours;
12:30 - local time;
12:45 - get some cash from airport ATM, meet Alexandr, our tour bus driver for the weekend;
13:15 - arrive at backpackers hostel
13:30 - dump kit, and head out. Have lunch at Hell Hunt. Lunch is washed down with several pints of home-brewed Estonian ale. It's becoming clear that Estonian cuisine is very much meat & potatoes based, with little fruit or veg. Should have packed some multivitamins, to fend off scurvy;
16:30 - collected by Alexandr who takes us to meet our hosts, at the Tallinn Hipodroom, which is a horse race track. You can just make out the artificial pitch at the southern end of the infield
17:30 - Twenty20 Match Report covered in Shannon's report below.
Shannon's version of the day...
5:30am. Alarm bell rings. The excitement was palpable. LFCC's 2009 tour of Estonia was about to begin. The excitement was not, however, enough to get the likes of Jason Lord and Shannon McKenzie out of bed. Surprisingly for all in Cab Nr 2, it was in fact Will Isaac to be the first to the cab. Taz Miller and Will, upon realising tour might not happen due to missing the flight, drove around frantically picking up their tardy team mates.
Nevertheless Cab Nr 2 proceeded to the airport with plenty of time to spare. In fact, enough time to catch the Cab Nr 1 team mates of Tony Tedore, Ian Charlton and Matt Broadbent at the Stansted Wetherspoons for the excellent tradition of a start-of-tour-airport-beer. At the wonderful time of 6:45am. During the airport beer a cordial deliberation was made on who would be judge. The title would go to the youngest member of the touring squad, who had previously not been a judge. That man, the most powerful man on tour, would be Will Isaac.
The power didn't take long to go the man's head as he whipped out the fine book and quickly noted Taz Miller had in fact not finished his beer. Proving that power belongs to the people, it was pointed out the judge had also not finished his beer, and was duly fined by himself.
Onto the flight. TT innocently asked 'Is Tallinn further north than London?'. He was also suitably fined. Several cans, a spilt G&T (and resultant fine), a giggling Estonian girl, and 7 tour T-shirts later we touched down in lovely Estonia.
To the hostel we went, dropped off the gear and quickly set about touring the town and the bars therein. With an 11am touchdown and a 6:30 kick-off for the game what else was the team to do? Beers it was. A lazy few beers were then followed by the reluctant acknowledgement that we would have to actually play cricket.
To the pitch we went, and what a fine pitch it was. For the cricket loving gamblers it was like chocolate to a fat kid. Known as the Hipodroom, the cricket pitch was located right in the middle of a trotting track.
The rain, which was threatening to disrupt proceedings, cleared away and the Estonian XI took to the field, followed by LFCC's opening batsmen - Jason Lord and Shannon McKenzie. And what a fine opening pair they were. After a couple of lovely guides through the slip cordon, Jason Lord's stumps were knocked by the very accomplished bowling of Murali. Shannon (Mike Gatting) was not far behind, as he faced up to Maret (Shane Warne) he attempted a beautiful looking sweep, only for Maret's wonderball miraculously to find its way past his bat. Bowled by Estonia's foremost female cricketer, for zero. Nevertheless, Lord and McKenzie had taken the shine off the new ball and allowed the 3rd and 4th Batsmen, Will Isaac and Taz Miller to build a very respectable partnership. They finished 61* and 59 as LFCC piled on 149 from their 16 overs.
This total would usually seem defendable. Within a few overs, it was apparent that it was not. The Estonian openers took a liking to LFCC's bowling and dispatched every one of us duly. Tight bowling could do little as Nand and Tim both flayed the ball to all parts of the ground, Nand's regular whipping off his legs for six being particularly impressive. With 10 wickets in hand and 7 overs to spare, Estonia reached the total, at the not-too-shabby run rate of 16.66. Nand finished on 99 not out.
Full scorecard here
A few beers were nailed at the cricket bar and then back to the hostel we went for Night No. 1...
Ian continues..
21:00 - after a couple of beers at the track bar, Alexandr collects us, and Janika of the Estonian Women's Team, and transports us back to the hostel for showers, before heading out to the Drink Bar & Grill, for dinner, and a few pints
23:00 - move on from Drink, to Pub With No Name (Janika gets us past the queue)
00:00 - time for dancing, and head for Club Hollywood - again, Janika gets us past the door. This is a great little hassle-free club, with a wider variety of sounds than the 'banging techno' of Ljubljana.
04:00 - head back to the hostel and bed. Cracking first day. Luckily the accommodation is right on the edge of the Old Town, which is also where the bars & clubs are. We're based in Viru Street, which is also the local red light district. Our next door neighbours tried tempting us with their famous 'chocolate massage'! The Magnificent Seven have bonded magnificently, and are brimming with the confidence that comes with having to face a national cricket side, four short!
Matt B takes up the story...
Day 2 in Tallinn and dawn broke. Nobody noticed - all quiet at Viru 5, (apart from the French girls commencing their 2 hour hogging of the shower). Mid-morning and any passer-by would assume there was still a convention of wildebeest sleeping off a night at the disco. Your correspondent rises and sallies forth. As this is the only point at which anyone managed to have a turn around the town, I could make anything up without fear of contradiction. Suffice to say it's prettier than a picture of the Magnificent Seven after a night on the sauce. The weather looked brooding and the ageing tourists were, frankly, not entirely averse to rain delays following the previous night's thrashing. Ian turned out to be another early(ish) riser and he and Matt formed "The Breakfast Club" (highpoint pork chop and brandy to start the day) - the only question remaining: which one is Molly Ringwald?
The match was scheduled for 3:30 at the Hipodroom as the races were on and we weren't to scare the horses (presumably with our pulchritude and athleticism). Needless to say, a flutter was obligatory and Alexandr the long-suffering taxi dude was booked for 1. Sure enough, off we set at 1:45 - all aboard apart from Will Isaac who was having a final turn around the hostel in his pants while the Mademoiselles 'Oh-la-la-la'd' at his manly physique (surely no woman would give him a second glance today). Would the races be like Ladies' Day at Ascot, or Aintree at least? Oh no - think the soup kitchen on Mare Street Narrow Way and you'll be nearer the mark. But with extra Mafia. Not to worry, pre-match isotonic sports drinks were ordered along with a spot of Estonian tapas (sausage roll) and the form book consulted. Three races remained; the nags pranced past - well, trotted past as this was the game - mincing horseflesh dragging a dwarf on a cart. Races start with the contestants getting up to speed behind a battered Ute pulling what looked like a crop sprayer before the starter swerves aside and they're off. After the first race we knew the score and the serious punting began. Sauvignon in the second caught the eye of the bibulous posse (well me anyway) and duly paid out a rather disappointing 2.75 times the stake (to much mockery). Before the last the Estonians began to amass. Skipper Tim, a bluff Aussie with a figure worthy of E8, introduced himself and revealed he part-owned Vick the King, no. 7 in the race. She came in! Sadly the owner and one enthusiastic Fielder's bet meant that the Tote's return was pathetic. Where was 'Honest Vladimir - he often pays' at the rail - when you need him?
Before battle was joined the team strolled across the course to meet Vick herself along with Olga the winning jockey. Three circuits of the Oval had left the horse sweating almost as much as Matt & Ian after negotiating the low rail onto the track. After a number of pics (hopefully appearing near this report) it was show time. Though not before some febrile speculation as to what it would be like to be 'broken in' by the blonde lady in jodhpurs!
And so to the action. This was the Blue Riband event as the Estonians played the team set to head to Corfu for an ICC event against international opposition. Once again the Fields conspired to bat through a combination of cunning tossing and negotiation. The good news was that the two bullies of Friday night, Nand and 'little' Tim, both not yet resident in the Baltic long enough to play for the national side, would be turning out alongside our heroes. After a quick fine for Broadbent for forgetting his strides (and picking two winners) the game commenced. Shannon (goodbye Mr) McKenzie and Jason (our) Lord strode out to face the music. In this case the chin music provided by the uncomfortably swift Murali. Sadly Shannon joined the hair pair bunch with a second duck of the tour. With Jason departing not long after, the spectators settled down to the sight of Nand and Will (whose solo taxi to the ground cost more than the rest of the team's pantechnicon) setting about the attack. Nand's familiarity with the strip allowed him to take full advantage of anything off length and his willingness for Will to play a supporting role meant a ton was inevitable. Will's lusty 30 gave way to a swift 17 by Taz and brief single-figure cameos for Matt and Tony T. A final score of 192 in 30 overs felt competitive, but Friday's drubbing proved that shipping runs was easy enough - and this time they had twice as many overs to chase them. The bowling started well enough and the early overs saw some tight stuff with Will making an early breakthrough. After a brief period of it getting away, Shannon pinned back the oppo with some unconventional variations that led to a brace of wickets. Taz and Jason weighed in with a wicket apiece while Rehmon, our other guest player tied up the other end. In the end Estonia, led from the front by skipper and racehorse expert Tim Heath, effortlessly upped the rate and in the end our hosts won at a canter, or indeed a trot. Tim's demise at the death meant that still nobody had scored a century from the Fields' attack.
And so back into town with Alexandr. What fun could the night hold? Who('s) nose?
Jason covers Night 2...
The written word can't really do justice to night 2.
Suffice it to say that we drank heavily. Even so, when handed a shot by one of our generous opposition, I dimly remember thinking that even that late at night I had just drunk something a little out of the ordinary. It turned out that we had been ambushed by shots of absinthe. Crikey.
We admired Maris the cute blonde bar girl. And at some point I'm sure that the two pretty girls behind the bar were getting it on. Although that may have been wishful thinking. Or absinthe.
One memory which does remain clear is hearing a commotion coming from across the room as a drunk and angry-looking Russian bloke was being forcibly ejected from the bar. He lashed out at the bouncers and let fly a powerful haymaker. He missed the bouncers but as the punch flew I saw Matt's nose, oblivious to the danger, make its way directly into the path of the flying fist. I saw the flesh sickeningly displaced in slow motion and immediately went to see how he was. As you would expect, Matt duly wobbled it a bit with his hand, mumbled something about it being broken and then mopped himself down with a bar towel and tucked into another pint.
And then followed a succession of extraordinary encounters...
Shannon reports that he 'may well have pashed Estonia's foremost female cricketer...'
And Will found himself standing at the bar feeling a bit drunk being accosted by Liisu, a blonde 18 year old Estonian who bravely later shared a room with him. And Jason. And Matt. I enjoyed a nice game of chess sitting on the bed with Liisu the following morning, and she joined us at the cricket that day, leaving a dainty stiletto print in the horse-racing track surface as we crossed over to the cricket ground.
Ahhhh ... and so began a beautiful friendship. Will and Liisu have visited each other over the last couple of months, but it must be tough to spend so long apart between visits. However they are still getting on like a house on fire. Surely this must be proof that absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. ("Lordy!", ed)
Anyway, apparently, according to Shannon, the night ended with us jumping like African dancing men outside the Bar With No Name. As the sun rose.
Good work lads.
Day 3 by Tony Tedore...
(who said in preparing his report 'I cannot find enough adjectives to describe Lordy's bowling. The dictionary is inadequate...')
16 August 2009 - The Hipodroom: Estonian X1 vs London Fields.
Waking up at midday from the previous night's 4am arrival home from the clubs did not seem the ideal preparation for a "must win" game for London Fields to 'share' the series.
The Fields won the toss and decided to bat. The first four wickets went for less than 30 runs, maybe an indicator of the previous night's frolics. There was a mid-order partnership of 50 between Tony and Murali (the guest player from Estonia). Matt added a valuable 13 runs and extras contributed a massive 33. The meagre total of 124 was surely not enough, even the Magnificent Seven could not pull this one off...
Matt and Murali opened the bowling with a tight spell and a couple of wickets went cheaply. Then Tim Filer and R. Anderson entered the arena and started spraying the ball to all sides of the arena. These two had to go if the "Mag 7" were to leave these shores with a 'draw'. Then Tony came on and had Anderson caught by Jason, this followed with Tim being bowled by Murali. Things were tight, the home side had five wickets down but were already halfway to their required total. There was no room for error. Then suddenly the ball was thrown to Lordy, who is not noted ("NOT NOTED?!", LOL, ROFL, etc - ed) for his bowling as he usually keeps wicket. Was this a masterstroke by the captain, were we going for the early drinks option? Or had indeed Lordy been talking to someone!? Three of his overs later we knew the answer. Lordy returned figures of 2 wickets for 5 runs. He had been talking to well known Guru and mentor Steve Donelan, who had advised him to "release it later", presumably in a response to a bowling problem. Matt took a great catch on the boundary while pretending to have a fag break. Will took two late wickets to mop up the innings and the Magnificent Seven had restricted the home side to 94 runs, winning by 28, thus 'drawing' the series.
It brings a tear to the eye just writing this...
Taz Miller takes us through the third and final night...
Despite the murmurings of a quiet night, it was inevitable after a victory that the Magnificent Seven would go out with a bang. So from the Hipodroom, it was straight to 'Drinks' bar for the customary fines.
Stand out fines: